Why This Matters to You, Right Now
G’day, New Zealand! Let’s be real, we Kiwis love a bit of fun, and that often includes a flutter. Whether it’s a cheeky bet on the All Blacks, a scratchie at the dairy, or a session at the best casino, gambling is woven into our culture. But sometimes, that fun can turn into something more serious. If you’re reading this, you probably know someone – a mate, a family member, or even just an acquaintance – who you suspect might be struggling with their gambling. That’s where you come in. This article is all about how you, as a good Kiwi, can step up and help. We’ll explore what effective bystander intervention looks like in Aotearoa, helping you support a loved one without making things worse.
Recognising the Signs: Is Your Mate in Trouble?
First things first: how do you know if someone’s struggling? It’s not always obvious. Gambling problems often hide behind a smile and a “she’ll be right” attitude. Here are some red flags to watch out for:
- Increased Secrecy: Are they suddenly secretive about where they’re going or what they’re doing with their money?
- Financial Difficulties: Are they constantly short on cash, borrowing money, or talking about money worries?
- Chasing Losses: Are they trying to win back their losses by gambling more?
- Preoccupation: Are they constantly thinking about gambling, planning their next bet, or talking about their wins (or losses)?
- Changes in Behaviour: Have you noticed changes in their mood, sleep patterns, or social life? Are they withdrawing from friends and family?
- Lying: Are they lying about their gambling habits or the amount of money they’re spending?
- Irritability: Are they becoming easily agitated or angry, especially when the topic of money or gambling comes up?
If you spot several of these signs, it’s time to have a yarn. Remember, it’s not about being a busybody; it’s about caring for someone you value.
How to Approach the Conversation: A Kiwi’s Guide to Talking It Out
Okay, you suspect your mate is in trouble. Now what? The way you approach the conversation is crucial. Here’s how to do it the Kiwi way:
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Pick a time when you can both talk privately, without distractions. Avoid doing it in a pub or at a social gathering where they might feel embarrassed.
- Be Calm and Non-Judgemental: Start by expressing your concern in a calm, caring tone. Avoid accusations or lectures. Instead, use “I” statements. For example, “I’ve noticed you seem a bit stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
- Focus on the Behaviour, Not the Person: Don’t attack their character. Focus on the specific behaviours you’ve observed. “I’ve noticed you’ve been borrowing money lately” is better than “You’re a reckless gambler.”
- Listen Actively: Let them talk. Don’t interrupt or jump to conclusions. Listen to their perspective and validate their feelings. Even if you don’t agree with them, acknowledge their feelings.
- Express Your Concerns: Clearly state your concerns. “I’m worried about the amount of time and money you’re spending on gambling.”
- Offer Support, Not Solutions: You’re not a therapist, and you can’t fix their problem. Offer your support and let them know you’re there for them. “I’m here for you, no matter what. If you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”
- Avoid Enabling: Don’t lend them money, cover up their gambling, or make excuses for them. This only makes the problem worse.
- Be Prepared for Denial or Anger: They might deny they have a problem or get angry. Try to stay calm and reiterate your concerns. Don’t take it personally.
Where to Find Help: Resources in Aotearoa
You can’t do this alone. Fortunately, New Zealand has some fantastic resources to help people struggling with gambling and their loved ones:
- Gambling Helpline: This is your first port of call. They offer free, confidential support and advice. Call 0800 654 655 or visit their website.
- Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand: They provide counselling, education, and resources for individuals and families affected by gambling.
- Te Hiringa Hauora (Health Promotion Agency): They offer information and resources on gambling harm prevention.
- Your GP: Your doctor can provide support, advice, and referrals to other services.
- Financial Mentoring: If financial issues are a concern, a financial mentor can help them manage their money and debt.
Encourage your mate to seek professional help. Offer to go with them to an appointment or help them find resources.
Self-Exclusion Schemes
Many online and land-based gambling providers offer self-exclusion schemes. This allows a person to voluntarily ban themselves from gambling for a set period. This can be a useful tool for those trying to control their gambling.
What If They Refuse Help? Staying Strong and Setting Boundaries
It’s tough, but sometimes people aren’t ready to admit they have a problem or seek help. If your mate refuses help, it’s important to:
- Set Boundaries: Protect yourself. Don’t lend them money, cover up for them, or enable their behaviour.
- Focus on Your Own Wellbeing: This situation can be emotionally draining. Make sure you’re looking after yourself. Talk to a friend, family member, or counsellor.
- Stay Connected (But at a Distance): Continue to be supportive, but don’t let their problems consume you.
- Accept That You Can’t “Fix” Them: You can’t force someone to change. Your role is to offer support and encourage them to seek help.
- Consider a “tough love” approach: Sometimes, a more direct approach is needed, but it’s crucial to be prepared for a negative reaction. This may involve stating that you will limit contact if the gambling continues.
Conclusion: Be a Mate, Be a Listener, Be There
Helping a mate struggling with gambling isn’t easy, but it’s incredibly important. By recognising the signs, approaching the conversation with care, offering support, and knowing where to find help, you can make a real difference. Remember, you don’t have to be a hero, just a good mate. Be a listener, be there for them, and encourage them to seek professional help. Kia kaha, New Zealand. You’ve got this.